5 Things to Consider Before Filling for Divorce

Divorce is a huge commitment, and sometimes we let our emotions make a decision we’ll later regret. Before you tell your spouse you want a divorce, you need to truly think about why divorce has entered your mind and if it’s really the best option for everyone involved. Here are five things you should consider before filing for a divorce.


  1. What is making you unhappy?

If you are thinking about divorce, it’s because you feel unhappy with your marriage. Think long and hard about what is making you unhappy, and then determine if there’s a viable solution. For instance, are you unhappy because you no longer do anything romantic with one another? If so, then plan a romantic getaway, even if it just means heading to a local hotel without the kids and indulging in room service and love making. Sometimes your unhappiness with the marriage can be adjusted, so think about finding a solution to the problem before filing for divorce.


  1. Have you communicated with your partner?

It’s possible that you’re unhappy with something your partner simply hasn’t noticed, so don’t let a lack of communication be the reason your marriage ends. For instance, if you are feeling unhappy, talk with your partner about it and see if there’s a solution you can both figure out together. Maybe you just feel too busy, so having each other work harder to make more time for one another can be the solution you need. Plus, sometimes your partner simply needs to hear your concerns in order to make an effort, so open your mouth and talk about it together.


  1. Do you need to make a personal adjustment?

AS you get older, your needs and thoughts and desires change, so sometimes you may be unhappy with yourself, and this can affect your marriage. If you need to make a personal change in order to benefit your marriage, then do so. Maybe this means changing careers or taking on a new hobby. Whatever it is, figure out what can make you be the spouse your partner deserves and create the marriage you want, and then move forward.


  1. Have you tried counseling?

Professional marriage counselors are out there for a reason, and they have helped many couples work through their issues and get back into a healthy marriage. Before you file for divorce, consider letting a professional help guide your relationship back to normal. This allows you and your spouse to talk openly to one another with the assistance of a third party, and it ensures you can find the solutions you’ve been searching for in a healthy way.


  1. Are you still in love?

Being in love is the hub that holds your relationship together, but love doesn’t always last forever. If you are still in love with your partner, then the marriage is worth fighting for to keep the both of you together. However, if you are no longer in love with your partner, then staying together will only create more friction between the two of you.


Marriages will come across their tough times, but opting for divorce as an immediate solution is not always the right thing to do. Be sure to fully consider your relationship and your own feelings before choosing divorce as an option. If you feel as if your marriage can be saved, then do what you can to make it work. However, if you find that your marriage simply cannot survive, then talking to a lawyer and making the decision to get divorced may be the final solution to make.

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Thinking About Divorce? Steps to Take

No marriage is 100% perfect, because nobody is 100% perfect. Marriage is something you need to work at constantly because the two of you need to make adjustments and compromises all the time. However, that doesn’t mean that you need to deal with an unhappy marriage just because it’s not easy. Instead, if you’ve been regularly thinking about divorce, then maybe something is wrong that needs to be fixed, or maybe at this point it’s just not fixable. If you have found yourself thinking about divorce recently, here are a few steps to take to make you determine your final decision.


Think about why you’ve been thinking about it.

Divorce just doesn’t pop into your head for no reason. Instead, there is something that is happening or happened that makes you feel as if your marriage is not going to work any longer. If you have been thinking about divorce, start to think about why this has started to pop into your head. Does it have something to do with you, such as more stress, a recent relationship with someone else, or maybe a desire to change and move on while your partner wants to stay the same? Does it have something to do with your spouse, such as their warndering eye, their change in attitude, their lack of romance, etc.? Once you know why you’ve been thinking about divorce, you can start to determine if there’s a way to fix the situation instead of making a life-changing decision.


Talk it out.

Talking about your feelings may not be the most enjoyable conversation to have, but it’s extremely important if you really want to save your marriage. Whether you’re unhappy because of issues with yourself, or you’re unhappy because of issues with your spouse, it’s necessary that you talk it out with your spouse so that everything is out in the open. For instance, having a conversation about the reasons for unhappiness, whether it’s because you don’t like something they’re doing or you have differences of your own, will help the two of you be on the same page and work together to solve the challenges.


Try counseling.

After your issues are out in the open, you can always seek out the help of a professional marriage counselor. These individuals are trained in helping couples work through their issues to try and salvage their marriage. However, in order for it to work, you and your spouse need to put in the effort. If one of you isn’t interested in trying, then it’s not worth the time or money you’ll spend. In addition, you need to be willing to put it all out on the table during these sessions and not hold anything back.


Talk to a legal professional.

If you have done everything you can to salvage the marriage and it still isn’t working, then you should spend some time talking to a legal professional about getting a divorce. Keep in mind that divorce is expensive and time-consuming, so it’s not something you can just be done with in a day. In addition, if you have children, it could make the situation more complicated. This doesn’t mean that divorce isn’t the right option, but it means you need to be 100% sure that this is what you want and need to move forward with your life.


Wanting a divorce is a serious decision to make, so if it’s something you’ve been thinking about, then you really need to sit down and figure out if it’s what you want to do. By trying to work through your challenges, it’s possible you and your spouse could make your marriage stronger.

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We’re Getting a Divorce, What Should I Expect in Court?

One of the most challenging aspects of going to court for a divorce is that you never know quite what is going to happen. If you are going to be part of a child custody hearing where your children are involved, it is especially essential that you know what is going to happen and what you can expect from court. Many people find themselves in a state of panic and fear as they start their own court proceedings.

There are some things that you can be sure that you will experience as you head to divorce court.

The Room Will Be Small

One thing that you will not have to worry about is a packed courtroom. Many people incorrectly think that the courtroom is going to be packed and they become overly nervous about stage-fright. While the criminal courtrooms are generally packed, family matters generally do not have additional people who are not directly involved in the case. The family courtroom setting is not only much smaller but it is also meant to be more intimate.

Prepare for the Testimony

During the court case, one thing that you can be certain of is that there are going to be numerous testimonies happening, so you should be prepared for these. In a custody case, everything that you have done as a parent will come into questioning. Not only will the judge interview you and your soon-to-be ex, but other witnesses can be called to discuss events that happened when the child was present. Even your child could be called to testify, depending on their age, so you should prepare for that as well.

Short Term Time Frame

Each day, judges hear many different cases in family court. This means that your case is not likely to last very long. Since there is a strong chance that more people will be coming into the courtroom after your case is heard, you might find that the whole process feels too quick or rushed. So, make sure that you are prepared to put yourself out there and have your best foot forward.

Be Prepared for a Judge’s Decision

The day might conclude with a final decision from the judge. In some cases, mediation or other courses of action might be taken in order to try and find the best solution for a family. The judge’s job is to put aside the wants and needs of the parents, and figure out what would be in the child’s best interest. His decision will include which parent is going to be the best custodial parent and what the visitation schedule should be.


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What Type of Relationship Should You Have with Your Ex After a Divorce?

Determining the type of relationship that you should have with your ex is important. When you have children with someone, it is going to be necessary for you to talk to them from time to time. One of the biggest struggles that you will have is not falling into the same communication patterns that led you to divorce in the first place. Falling into old habits with your ex is a dangerous game that could end up with someone being emotionally hurt when the other is not interested in pursuing things with them. There is a right way and a wrong way to communicate with your ex and you need to understand both so that you can make the right choice.

Learn to Cut Emotional Ties

Life after divorce is more than just a change on a piece of paper. You will have to learn how to cut the emotional ties that have held you together. This is the hardest part of divorce for most people. Everyone who goes through a divorce ends up in some type of emotional turmoil. This does not have to damage you. It is possible for you to come out of the relationship on top and to be able to move on with your life while having a healthy relationship with your ex.

It is likely that you went through a number of arguments and fights that led to your divorce. The key to finding a healthy relationship after divorce with your ex is to learn how to communicate without arguing. If you allow yourself to get into a fight with your ex, you are opening yourself up to feeling the same pain that you did from the fights when you were married.

Learn Where Your New Place in Life Is

Once your marriage has ended, you have to accept that. It is during this time that you have to learn how to move from a position as the spouse to a new role in your ex’s life. The biggest thing that you need to remember is that this is your ex, not someone that you are in a current emotional or physical relationship with. When you decide where your relationship should be, you will need to set clear boundaries for both your ex and yourself. By doing this, you can ensure that you will have a healthy relationship into the future.

Make Sure You Have Support

It is important for you to have support when you are recently separated from your ex. You will want to have those friends or family members that you can call on when you need emotional support. Many people do not think that they need this but find themselves drawn to their ex for this support when it inevitably becomes needed. If you have a clear idea of the support that you need ahead of time, then you will be able to lean on these friends and family and can avoid falling into an unhealthy relationship with your ex.

Set Your Own Boundaries

Think about yourself and your ex and what is best for both of you. Think about what boundaries you need and make a list. If you cannot talk to your ex when you are alone because it brings you down, then follow that rule. Also, make sure that you have things that you can discuss and clearly state the things that are off limits for the two of you to discuss. You should not discuss your current relationships or what you are doing during your personal time. If your child is not around, your activities are absolutely not the business of the other parent. If the child is present, there needs to be clear guidelines of behaviors that are acceptable and not acceptable.

Learn What Works for You

Depending on what your relationship with your ex is like, there are some things that might work for you and others that might not. There are many suggestions for how to properly engage with one another.

Communicate Through Writing/Texting – One great thing that you can do is to make sure that you are communicating through writing or texts. Doing this will help you to have proof of everything that is communicated. Plus, it can help you to keep your distance during a time that it can be easy to fall into unhealthy patterns.

Keep All Speech Respectful – It does not matter how angry you are with your ex. You need to be respectful in how you speak to them at all times.

Keep Your Home Your Space – Make sure that you have clear guidelines with your ex. They should not be randomly stopping by or hanging out in your home. Instead, they should respect the boundaries around it being your space.

Do Not Share Personal Information – It is important that you keep your private life separate from your ex. Allowing them into those parts of your life can create conflict and problems that you otherwise would not have.

Keep Your Children Out of Conversations – Anything you need to say to your ex needs to be said to your ex from you. Do not have your child be the messenger or put him/her in the middle of conversations between the two of you.

Do Not Be in Your Ex’s Life – Your ex needs to have their own life. You need to stay out of their life as much as they need to stay out of yours.

Get Support from Others – One of the most important things that you can learn is that you have to find your support in other people. Your ex cannot be a part of your support system.

Do Not Give Them Information About How You Spend Your Money – Your child support and/or alimony is your money and it is none of your ex’s business how you spend that money.

Be Friendly but Not Close to Their Family – There is no reason to be rude to your ex’s family unless they have done something directly to you. You will still need to keep your distance because almost always, blood is thicker than water.

Do Not Do Spousal Duties – You cannot act like a spouse any longer. It is important that you cut ties in the right way so that you can move forward with your relationship in a new and healthy way.

Becoming exes is a process. It is not something that is simple and often times there are no precedents to teach you how to act. Following these rules will help you to understand that there are a number of unique opportunities for you.

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Deciding How to Divide Your Child’s Assets

During a divorce assets are divided.  What can be harder than dividing up the marital property is for you to determine where your children’s things belong.  Your children have their own things that are theirs and determining where these things are kept can be a challenge.  The main thing that the parents need to remember is that since these are the child’s things, where they are kept needs to be a conversation that is had with the children.  It is unfair to them if you are determining where all of their things will be without talking to them about it.


5 Steps to Determine Where Your Child’s Assets Belong


Step 1 – Determine Where the Child’s Time Will Be Spent


The first thing that you have to do when you are determining where your child’s things should be is to determine where your child is going to be.  If your child is going to be in one place more than the other, then it is important to take note of this and decide what of your child’s is most important so that they will have it there.


One option that works for some parents is to have two properties that are to be sold and compensated for after the child turns 18.  How this typically works is that one home is where the children live.  The parent who is to spend the time with the child stays in that home with them. Then the parent that is not with the child gets to stay in the other property.


This can work well with parents who are not going to have any other children but if they become involved with someone who has children or have more of their own then it is not something that will work.  So there are many factors to consider before making this an option for your family.


Step 2 – Talk to Your Child


It really does not matter how old your child is.  At some point you are going to have to discuss the divorce with them.  When you are discussing the divorce, you can talk to the child about where they want certain things to be at.  Explain to your child that they will want some things at each parent’s house.  When you do this, they will be able to help pick out what they have at each place.


You can talk about things that they want to take back and forth too like a special stuffed animal and blanket.  You can also help them to choose between things that they will want when they are with each parent.  Try to be fair about dividing things like games and consider which parent played the games with the child while living in the same home.  Also think about these types of things with books.  Being fair is the best way to make sure that your child has what makes them feel at home in both homes.


Step 3 – Think About Where the Item Came From


With big ticket items, think about where the item came from if there is a struggle.  If it came from a friend or family member, consider whose house that friend or family member will see the child at.  Doing this helps those friends and family members see the child enjoying the things that they have purchased for them.


Step 4 – Consider Buying Doubles


There are some items that you will even want to consider purchasing so that you have them at both homes.  Consider buying doubles of favorite toys, blankets, and even bedding if that is going to make your child the most comfortable.  Agree to share the cost of these items.  If you do this, it might cost a little bit of money but it is going to make the child feel more comfortable as they transition between homes.


Step 5 – Discuss It in Court


If you are fighting over items, it can be damaging to your child.  Do not fight over things.  Instead, make a list of the things that you do not agree with.  Then take this list to court with you.  Reasonably consider what is going to be best for your child.  If both parents, feel that it is best for them to have these items then you will have to let a judge determine what the best choices are.


Deciding how to separate the child’s belongings can be quite difficult.  The easiest way for this to happen is for both parents to make sure that they have everything that they need and then to think about what their child wants.  The goal is not for one parent to have more than the other.  Instead it is so that the child has what they need to feel comfortable and be happy in both homes.

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