What to Do When Your Spouse Files for Divorce

Served with Divorce Documents

What to Do When Your Spouse Files for Divorce

Going through divorce is tough, but it can be even tougher when you’re the one who was served with papers. When your spouse files for divorce, a lot will go through your mind. While it’s never easy to handle the initial reaction, it’s important for you to make the right decisions moving forward with the divorce, especially if you feel as if this divorce came out of nowhere. The following information will help you get your life in order when your spouse files for divorce.


Talk to someone.

The worst thing you can do during this time in your life is to try and handle it all by yourself. Although you may not feel like talking, having someone to share your feelings with is the most important thing you can do. Maybe this is your friends or your family, or maybe you try to find a counselor to help you better manage what’s currently going on in your life. When you have someone to talk to, it will allow you to not battle this situation all on your own and can be healthier for you in the end.


Gather necessary information.

Whether you’re going through the court or have decided on mediation, one of the earliest things you should do is gather the necessary information that will be required during the divorce. This means getting your finances in order, documenting anything with your children that would be important, and also finding proof of any pre-marital assets you may have had. When you can become organized, it will make the divorce proceeding go a lot smoother.


Find a Legal Professional.

Talk to a legal professional that will help you wrap your head around what steps you need to take and what information you need to have. You can choose whichever resource makes sense for you, so you can find someone based on recommendations or choose one on your own. The best thing to do is to interview a few different options to find the one that you’re most comfortable with. Talk to a legal professional and be sure to answer any questions they may have. During these proceedings, it’s also important for you to be completely honest, as trying to hide something that eventually comes up in court can deter your chances of getting what you want.


Check your emotions at the door.

When you are served papers, it can make your emotions go crazy. Although it will be difficult to do, it’s extremely important that you don’t let your emotions get the best of you. When your emotions get the best of you, it can make you say or do things that won’t be beneficial to you in the long run. Be sure to truly think about what you want out of the divorce and fight for what you want, but don’t give into anything that could possibly happen to hurt your chances.


Be realistic.

You may want to take everything out on your spouse for filing for divorce, but you need to be realistic. If you have children, be sure that you are fair with the custody agreement, as your spouse is still your child’s parent. Make sure the steps you take are in the best interest of the children. You also need to be fair with assets, as trying to come out completely on top will only make the divorce proceeding go much longer than anticipated. When you can be realistic about what you deserve, you’ll make the situation go faster so you can get back to your life sooner rather than later.


Nobody wants to go through divorce, but when you do, it’s important you know what to expect and how to handle it in the best possible way.

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Coping With Divorce When You’re Living With a Disability

Coping with divorce is never easy, but it’s something 40-50 percent of all couples in the U.S. face at some point. And while there are many factors to every split, individuals who are living with a disability share the fact that the dissolution of a marriage can take a toll mentally, emotionally, and physically. If you have children, the stress of navigating a divorce while figuring out how best to care for the kids—and doing it without daily help from a partner—may be overwhelming.


It’s important to find some resources that will help you get through this tough time, and it’s equally important to take care of yourself. It can be difficult to think about when you have so much to do and manage, but self-care is imperative in reducing stress and staying healthy. And as a parent, you need to be your best self in order to provide for your children.


Here are some tips on how to navigate a divorce when you’re living with a disability.


Garner support


Having support from friends and family has never been more important, so talk to them about what your needs are and how they can help. You might ask one person to help with picking up your children from school, while someone else can assist in getting you moved into a new place. Divorce comes with lots of change, so the more familiar people you have around to help, the better.


Research resources


As an individual with a disability, you are likely entitled to some benefits, and there other resources that can help you with daily tasks and funding. Do some research to ensure that these benefits will continue uninterrupted after the divorce. If you have been ordered by the court to pay child support, your state or federal benefits may change, but there are some options depending on which state you live in. Look online or talk to your case worker about how to plan for your finances.


Get some help


With so much to think about and take care of during a divorce, it’s important to find ways to make life easier. Depending on the nature of your disability, you may become tired easily or have trouble carrying out daily tasks on your own, so look for help where you can find it, such as hiring a dog walker to come and take your dog for walks. You might also think about boarding him for a brief period if you’ll be moving. This way, you can ensure he’s safe during all the activity and keep him from becoming anxious due to the changes.


Practice self-care


Taking care of yourself is so important during a difficult time. This can mean different things to different people, but for an individual with a disability, it might mean getting adequate rest, exercising daily, taking medication as prescribed, and not engaging in drug or alcohol abuse. Substance abuse is common for many people during a divorce because it numbs the emotional pain, but in the long run, it only makes things worse. Look for healthy ways to cope, such as practicing a hobby or learning a new one, and ask for help when you feel you need it. Click here for more tips on self-care.


Coping with a divorce is never easy, but with the support of your loved ones and a good plan for the near future, you can get through it. Remember to take care of your mental, emotional, and physical health every day and keep communication open with your loved ones so they’ll know how best to support you.

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Just Getting Through the Holidays: Why Not to Push Off Your Divorce

Many parents who think about divorce before the holidays often push it off until December is over in order to not burden their children or families with the divorce during the stressful holiday season. However, if you’re that unhappy with your relationship that divorce is the final option, pushing it off a few months isn’t going to do anybody any good. In fact, pushing it off can actually make it much worse, especially if you have little ones at home.


Why Wait?

For most people, the idea to wait is so they can give their child one last happy family memory before his/her parents split up for good. In addition, some people don’t want their families associating the holiday season with their parents’ divorce for the rest of their life. Both these reasons are completely understandable, but they’re not reason enough to stay in a bad relationship.


Why Not Wait?

First, if you wait, you are simply allowing your negative feelings toward your spouse to fester, and this could result in even more bickering and even more arguing. Your child will gladly accept you and your ex not being around one another if it means that you’re no longer fighting. In fact, separating before the holidays will actually make it less stressful on your child, as he or she will know that you’re both happy.


However, in order to do this effectively, you need to ensure you are keeping open lines of communication with your child as you and your spouse go through the divorce. Make sure neither of you are talking bad about the other parent in front of your child, and be sure that you have a parenting agreement in place to ensure you each get equal time with the child during the holidays. After all, both of you are the child’s parents, which means you each deserve to see your child during this time of year and do what you can to make it extra specials.


Another reason to not wait is because you’re only delivering poor memories for your child. Your child isn’t going to think of this as his/her last Christmas with a healthy family, but will instead think of it as a time where his/her parents just argued with one another. Obviously, this isn’t the type of Christmas memories you want to create, so it’s better to just rip the bandage off quickly.


What most parents also need to realize is that children are resilient. Yes, there will be times where the divorce is trying on your child, and he or she may even act out because of it, but what you need to realize is that there will be a time where your child moves past it. This will occur as they mature, but it’s important to remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that as your child grows, they will start to only focus on the good times they have with each parent, even if that means taking place in separate homes.


Finally, you need to be sure you put yourself and your mental health first. If you are stressed all the time because of your current relationship, pushing it longer will only make it worse on you. This stress could build up and take a physical toll on your health, and that’s not something you need to do to yourself or your family. If you have made the decision that you want a divorce, just get the process started instead of making it a bigger headache for others involved.


Divorce is never easy, but taking the steps to move forward will help it all take place quickly and allow everyone to start moving on to healthier parts of their lives.

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How to Handle a Divorce Over the Holidays

Divorce at any other time of the year can be painful, but during the holidays it can be particularly gut-wrenching. On top of the stress of finalizing divorce paperwork, you have the holiday madness added to a devastating situation. If you both can’t wait for the holidays to be over before going through with your divorce, then here are some steps to see you through this time.


1. Give yourself a break.

This is not the time to fulfill some prior commitment made before you knew what you would be going through. Also, cut your kids some slack. Divorce takes an emotional toll, not just on you, but on your kids, family, and friends. If your kids are acting moody, be sympathetic and don’t expect them to just snap out of it because you would prefer they be happy. Emotions don’t work that way. Let them grieve. Let yourself grieve. Working through emotions to a more stable place is a process.

2. Focus on what is best for your kids.

When you are going through a separation, every exchange with your ex-spouse can feel like a skirmish. Because you both still need to make decisions related to your children’s care, you will be faced with times where you disagree on what to do. Try to think in terms of doing what is best for your kids and not about whose turn it is to do what, or who will have the last say. And if you do not trust yourself to calmly state your preferences or make requests, ask a friend to be your go-between when it comes to scheduling.

3. Lean on your support system.

Where you used to have two people handling the parenting duties, now it can feel like it’s just you. But that is not entirely true. We all have a support system, whether we realize it is there or not. Some support systems may be weak from lack of use, but just a little fine-tuning can bring it back to full strength. Other support systems we need to actively seek out and join.

Family and close friends often want to help but perhaps don’t know how. Don’t be shy about asking for what you need, whether it is companionship, a listening ear, or babysitting duties. There are also single-parent or divorced-parent support groups that can be a great way to connect with others in the same boat. And who can give you tips for dealing with new challenges post-divorce.

4. Get counseling.

Handling a divorce during the holidays can heighten an already difficult situation. Christmas is a season that is centered on families and couples. So those going through a divorcee can tend to feel isolated and depressed. Getting counseling or seeing a therapist is one of the surest ways to finding emotional stability once again.

Venting to a family member or close friend can take a toll on that relationship. But it is important that you don’t bottle up what you are going through. Talking through your emotions is an essential way to process and heal. But it should be done with a counselor or therapist, one who has the know-how to help you progress and can provide a safe space for you to do so.

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5 Things to Consider Before Filling for Divorce

Divorce is a huge commitment, and sometimes we let our emotions make a decision we’ll later regret. Before you tell your spouse you want a divorce, you need to truly think about why divorce has entered your mind and if it’s really the best option for everyone involved. Here are five things you should consider before filing for a divorce.


  1. What is making you unhappy?

If you are thinking about divorce, it’s because you feel unhappy with your marriage. Think long and hard about what is making you unhappy, and then determine if there’s a viable solution. For instance, are you unhappy because you no longer do anything romantic with one another? If so, then plan a romantic getaway, even if it just means heading to a local hotel without the kids and indulging in room service and love making. Sometimes your unhappiness with the marriage can be adjusted, so think about finding a solution to the problem before filing for divorce.


  1. Have you communicated with your partner?

It’s possible that you’re unhappy with something your partner simply hasn’t noticed, so don’t let a lack of communication be the reason your marriage ends. For instance, if you are feeling unhappy, talk with your partner about it and see if there’s a solution you can both figure out together. Maybe you just feel too busy, so having each other work harder to make more time for one another can be the solution you need. Plus, sometimes your partner simply needs to hear your concerns in order to make an effort, so open your mouth and talk about it together.


  1. Do you need to make a personal adjustment?

AS you get older, your needs and thoughts and desires change, so sometimes you may be unhappy with yourself, and this can affect your marriage. If you need to make a personal change in order to benefit your marriage, then do so. Maybe this means changing careers or taking on a new hobby. Whatever it is, figure out what can make you be the spouse your partner deserves and create the marriage you want, and then move forward.


  1. Have you tried counseling?

Professional marriage counselors are out there for a reason, and they have helped many couples work through their issues and get back into a healthy marriage. Before you file for divorce, consider letting a professional help guide your relationship back to normal. This allows you and your spouse to talk openly to one another with the assistance of a third party, and it ensures you can find the solutions you’ve been searching for in a healthy way.


  1. Are you still in love?

Being in love is the hub that holds your relationship together, but love doesn’t always last forever. If you are still in love with your partner, then the marriage is worth fighting for to keep the both of you together. However, if you are no longer in love with your partner, then staying together will only create more friction between the two of you.


Marriages will come across their tough times, but opting for divorce as an immediate solution is not always the right thing to do. Be sure to fully consider your relationship and your own feelings before choosing divorce as an option. If you feel as if your marriage can be saved, then do what you can to make it work. However, if you find that your marriage simply cannot survive, then talking to a lawyer and making the decision to get divorced may be the final solution to make.

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