Many parents who think about divorce before the holidays often push it off until December is over in order to not burden their children or families with the divorce during the stressful holiday season. However, if you’re that unhappy with your relationship that divorce is the final option, pushing it off a few months isn’t going to do anybody any good. In fact, pushing it off can actually make it much worse, especially if you have little ones at home.
For most people, the idea to wait is so they can give their child one last happy family memory before his/her parents split up for good. In addition, some people don’t want their families associating the holiday season with their parents’ divorce for the rest of their life. Both these reasons are completely understandable, but they’re not reason enough to stay in a bad relationship.
Why Not Wait?
First, if you wait, you are simply allowing your negative feelings toward your spouse to fester, and this could result in even more bickering and even more arguing. Your child will gladly accept you and your ex not being around one another if it means that you’re no longer fighting. In fact, separating before the holidays will actually make it less stressful on your child, as he or she will know that you’re both happy.
However, in order to do this effectively, you need to ensure you are keeping open lines of communication with your child as you and your spouse go through the divorce. Make sure neither of you are talking bad about the other parent in front of your child, and be sure that you have a parenting agreement in place to ensure you each get equal time with the child during the holidays. After all, both of you are the child’s parents, which means you each deserve to see your child during this time of year and do what you can to make it extra specials.
Another reason to not wait is because you’re only delivering poor memories for your child. Your child isn’t going to think of this as his/her last Christmas with a healthy family, but will instead think of it as a time where his/her parents just argued with one another. Obviously, this isn’t the type of Christmas memories you want to create, so it’s better to just rip the bandage off quickly.
What most parents also need to realize is that children are resilient. Yes, there will be times where the divorce is trying on your child, and he or she may even act out because of it, but what you need to realize is that there will be a time where your child moves past it. This will occur as they mature, but it’s important to remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that as your child grows, they will start to only focus on the good times they have with each parent, even if that means taking place in separate homes.
Finally, you need to be sure you put yourself and your mental health first. If you are stressed all the time because of your current relationship, pushing it longer will only make it worse on you. This stress could build up and take a physical toll on your health, and that’s not something you need to do to yourself or your family. If you have made the decision that you want a divorce, just get the process started instead of making it a bigger headache for others involved.
Divorce is never easy, but taking the steps to move forward will help it all take place quickly and allow everyone to start moving on to healthier parts of their lives.