Relationship in a Rut? Here Are 4 Places You Can Improve Yours Today

Successful relationships can require hard work, which isn’t a secret! There could be multiple places that your relationship is struggling or it could just be on area. Every relationship is different, so finding a one-size-fits-all solution is nearly impossible. That being said, there are some ways you can improve your relationship when you get into a rut…

Communication

Plenty of relationships have come into turmoil because of a lack of communication. This lack of communication can come from quite a few different places. One partner not being ‘present’ while the other is talking is not only disrespectful but it happens more than many people think. This could be because the other partner is intrigued with something on the TV or smartphone, or is just zoning out. Whatever the reason, it is important to communicate wants and needs in a relationship. How is your significant other supposed to give you what you want if you haven’t expressed this verbally? Let your partner know your wants and expectations in your relationship as this can clear up ambiguity.

Accountability

No relationship is perfect and both parties will do things that are wrong from time to time. The way these mistakes are approached can mean the difference between the fight escalating to a breakup and the fight being over in a matter of hours/days. Taking ownership of shortcomings and mistakes is something both parties in a relationship should do. Blaming your significant other for a mistake that you have made is not only wrong but it’s also attempt to rationalize your choice. Great relationships are made by people owning up to their mistakes and shortcomings combined with a whole lot of forgiveness.

Friendship

There are couples who were friends for years before they became romantically involved. Then there are the couples who became involved romantically and had to develop a friendship further down the road. Working on the friendship aspect of your relationship is quite important as your significant other is the person you spend the most time with. Going out and doing something that both of you enjoy – as understated as one fun date or as big as a luxury vacation – can rejuvenate a romantic relationship and friendship. Something as simple as going to sushi on Fridays and spending time alone together can be a great way to improve your friendship. Weekends shouldn’t be made entirely for seeing friends and family, and you should make a point to spend time alone as a couple. This helps you to work on your friendship.

Being more proactive about keeping your relationship healthy is important. Many people do not view their relationship as a living thing that needs to be taken care of or it could die. Taking this approach is sure to have both parties in the relationship striving to take care of this relationship. Do not allow a good relationship to go to waste because of lack of effort. A lack of effort in a relationship can lead to years of “what if?” questioning which is extremely unhealthy and quite depressing. Put your relationship first for once and see how big of a difference that it makes!

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What You Can Work On With Your Spouse To Make Your Relationship Better

Couples that aren’t married are not the only ones who need to improve their relationships. Married couples have a lifetime of trying to improve their relationship on a daily basis. All relationships take work to make them last long term and this multiplies when married.

The following are some great places to start and things to do to make your relationship better than it has ever been.

Doing The Little Things

The details and little things in a relationship add up to make a huge difference. Something as simple as taking on a responsibility that is usually taken care of by your spouse can do quite a lot. For example, if you know Wednesdays are tough for your spouse, so make dinner without being asked even if they normally do the cooking. The relief of having this done when arriving home can only be rivaled by cancelling plans when you both want to veg out all day.

Confidence In Yourself and In Your Relationship

Confidence in your relationship is important as this confidence can quell jealousy among other problems. This confidence can be worked on each day by telling your spouse what you love about them. At a certain point each day when together you should tell your spouse a few special things about them. This interaction of love being done in person means so much more than simply sending the generic “I love you, have a great day” text.

Take Up a New Hobby Together

Taking up a new hobby can be a great way to have fun with a spouse while also meeting new people. Finding something that both of you enjoy might take some searching but when it is found, there is nothing better. For some people it might be as simple as going bowling once a week with friends or joining a beginner’s league. It is important to make this hobby “yours” instead of getting into a hobby that one of you was already involved with. This will allow you both to grow in the hobby and possibly see sides of each other that neither of you have seen of the other. Do not be afraid to try a bunch of new things and write down the pros and cons of each. This will make picking a new hobby analytical rather than picking something that one party will dislike immensely.

Carve Out Alone Time Each Week

As parents, getting some face time with your spouse without a child around can actually be a challenge. The time before going to bed is when most parents converse in a more honest fashion because the kids are not around, but you should be more intentional about one-on-one time together. This could be a date night weekly where the kids go to their grandparent’s house or you hire a sitter. This date night does not have to be fancy. Finding balance between the children, work, and other priorities can make it difficult to find balance in your relationship. Take time each week to simply enjoy being around your spouse alone and you won’t regret it!

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Deciding How to Divide Your Child’s Assets

During a divorce assets are divided.  What can be harder than dividing up the marital property is for you to determine where your children’s things belong.  Your children have their own things that are theirs and determining where these things are kept can be a challenge.  The main thing that the parents need to remember is that since these are the child’s things, where they are kept needs to be a conversation that is had with the children.  It is unfair to them if you are determining where all of their things will be without talking to them about it.

 

5 Steps to Determine Where Your Child’s Assets Belong

 

Step 1 – Determine Where the Child’s Time Will Be Spent

 

The first thing that you have to do when you are determining where your child’s things should be is to determine where your child is going to be.  If your child is going to be in one place more than the other, then it is important to take note of this and decide what of your child’s is most important so that they will have it there.

 

One option that works for some parents is to have two properties that are to be sold and compensated for after the child turns 18.  How this typically works is that one home is where the children live.  The parent who is to spend the time with the child stays in that home with them. Then the parent that is not with the child gets to stay in the other property.

 

This can work well with parents who are not going to have any other children but if they become involved with someone who has children or have more of their own then it is not something that will work.  So there are many factors to consider before making this an option for your family.

 

Step 2 – Talk to Your Child

 

It really does not matter how old your child is.  At some point you are going to have to discuss the divorce with them.  When you are discussing the divorce, you can talk to the child about where they want certain things to be at.  Explain to your child that they will want some things at each parent’s house.  When you do this, they will be able to help pick out what they have at each place.

 

You can talk about things that they want to take back and forth too like a special stuffed animal and blanket.  You can also help them to choose between things that they will want when they are with each parent.  Try to be fair about dividing things like games and consider which parent played the games with the child while living in the same home.  Also think about these types of things with books.  Being fair is the best way to make sure that your child has what makes them feel at home in both homes.

 

Step 3 – Think About Where the Item Came From

 

With big ticket items, think about where the item came from if there is a struggle.  If it came from a friend or family member, consider whose house that friend or family member will see the child at.  Doing this helps those friends and family members see the child enjoying the things that they have purchased for them.

 

Step 4 – Consider Buying Doubles

 

There are some items that you will even want to consider purchasing so that you have them at both homes.  Consider buying doubles of favorite toys, blankets, and even bedding if that is going to make your child the most comfortable.  Agree to share the cost of these items.  If you do this, it might cost a little bit of money but it is going to make the child feel more comfortable as they transition between homes.

 

Step 5 – Discuss It in Court

 

If you are fighting over items, it can be damaging to your child.  Do not fight over things.  Instead, make a list of the things that you do not agree with.  Then take this list to court with you.  Reasonably consider what is going to be best for your child.  If both parents, feel that it is best for them to have these items then you will have to let a judge determine what the best choices are.

 

Deciding how to separate the child’s belongings can be quite difficult.  The easiest way for this to happen is for both parents to make sure that they have everything that they need and then to think about what their child wants.  The goal is not for one parent to have more than the other.  Instead it is so that the child has what they need to feel comfortable and be happy in both homes.

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Determining Division of Assets

One of the things that many people struggle with during a divorce is determining the right way to divide the assets. This is because both parties usually have items that they want and sometimes they both want the same items. Deciding who the rightful owner will be during a divorce can take some time and is often a long drawn out process. There are many reasons for this.

How to Get Started

The first thing that you will want to do is to make a list of everything that you own. Your list can be as detailed as you would like. This is the best way to accurately make sure that you get half of everything that you own. If you do not make this list, then there is a good chance that someone is going to end up getting more than their fair share. If property is not something that you are concerned with then you might elect to allow your ex to take what they want. However, if you want to make sure that you are both treated fairly then you might want to make sure that you both get what you deserve.

File the Right Paperwork

Depending on what state you are in, there will be some type of financial and property paperwork that is requires for your divorce. You can find out what paperwork is required where you live easily and then have it filled out with all of the information. This paperwork usually discloses all bank accounts both joint and separate, trusts, any property both personal and joint, and any major items that are worth enough money to be considered an asset.

Things to Remember When Dividing Debt

There are times when you might think that the right thing to do would be divide the entire amount of debt in half. Many people think that stating that each party has to pay off a percentage of the debt (typically 50% each) is the right way to do this. Often times this is not a good idea because if the debt is based on one person’s credit. The issue is that the creditor does not have to agree to any of the divorce paperwork. So, in the end the person whose name is on the credit card is the one that they hold accountable. This can cause financial ruin to you if your name is on something and your ex is ordered to pay and doesn’t. Many people do not realize that this is the case. You can avoid these issues if the judge orders the other to pay the responsible party directly.

What You Need to Know About Pensions

Pensions are also considered part of the marital property. This is the one thing that ends up being the most valuable during a marriage. In many cases it is actually worth more than all of the other assets combined. Make sure that you fill out required paperwork if your soon to be ex has a pension plan. If you and your ex cannot agree on the terms of pension plan division, a judge can decide for you how you will have it divided. This typically means that your ex will be required to send you a check each month. Now, it is a good idea to make sure that your bills are paid out of the previous month’s check or with your own income. The reason for this being that in most cases your ex will be given a day of the month to send you the check by, but it is very rare that they will be punished if they end up getting the check to you by the end of the month.

Deciding how to divide your assets during a divorce can cause a number of fights. Doing the work and filling out the necessary paperwork to ensure that you get what you deserve takes it out of your hands. Typically, this is the best way to ensure that things are done fairly.

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Don’t Let Your Divorce Damage Your Children

Every family that goes through divorce adds an additional challenge to their children’s lives.  However, even with this additional challenge there is no reason to believe that the divorce has to be devastating or damaging for your children.  If you take the right steps, you are going to be able to minimize how your children are affected by the divorce and increase your chances of getting a healthy divorce.  This can help you to keep your children as healthy and happy emotionally as possible.

Things to Remember

 You must remember that a divorce is a traumatic event for your child.  It is taking them away from the only world and things that they have ever known and throwing them into something that is completely new and different.  By remembering to take care of things in certain ways you will find that it is completely possible to have a successful divorce and remain happy together.

 

Do Not Allow Children to Pick Sides

While it might be tempting to try and ask your children what they think or who they would like to live with, your children should never be put in the middle of your divorce.  Make sure that you avoid this type of conversation and action with your children.  Talk to your children about how both of you love them equally and that while this is going to be something new, it does not mean that they will have to pick between the two of you. When going through a divorce, it’s important to remember that custody is not about winning or losing, it’s about what’s right for the children.

 

Modeling Maturity

It can be hard not to stoop to someone else’s level when you are going through a divorce.  Many times exes get so caught up in what the other person is doing to them that they forget to follow through with what is best for their children.  If you are going through a divorce, then it is really time to put your children first.  Make sure that you are having an open dialogue with them about what is happening and what they need.  Continue to act in a mature way in front of your children so that they understand how to react in healthy ways themselves.

 

Be Honest with Your Children

Instead of trying to hide the fact that you are getting a divorce, sit down with your spouse and talk openly and honestly with your children about the fact that you are getting a divorce.  While this might be the hardest conversation that you will ever have with your children, it is one that they deserve to be a part of.  Make sure that you stress to your children that the divorce is in no way their fault and that they are still loved equally by both of their parents.

 

Make Sure Children Know It is Not Their Fault

 It is very important that your children understand that it is nothing that they did that is causing the divorce.  Keep reiterating to them that this is not their fault.  So many times in divorce children end up thinking that the reason that the parents are no longer together has something to do with them.  Make sure that this is not the case with your children.

 

Don’t Change Too Much for Your Children

 Of course, it can be hard to go through with a divorce.  One of the things that you should be doing is making sure that you are not changing too much for your children.  When it comes to activities or routines, you want to keep things as normal as necessary.  If possible, make sure that you are staying in the same school district too.

Going through a divorce is never easy.  In fact, it is going to be hard on both parents and the children.  Realizing this will help you to better understand how to address your children’s needs, continue putting them first, and will help them to have the best possible relationship with both parents regardless of situations.

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