We’re Getting a Divorce, What Should I Expect in Court?

One of the most challenging aspects of going to court for a divorce is that you never know quite what is going to happen. If you are going to be part of a child custody hearing where your children are involved, it is especially essential that you know what is going to happen and what you can expect from court. Many people find themselves in a state of panic and fear as they start their own court proceedings.

There are some things that you can be sure that you will experience as you head to divorce court.

The Room Will Be Small

One thing that you will not have to worry about is a packed courtroom. Many people incorrectly think that the courtroom is going to be packed and they become overly nervous about stage-fright. While the criminal courtrooms are generally packed, family matters generally do not have additional people who are not directly involved in the case. The family courtroom setting is not only much smaller but it is also meant to be more intimate.

Prepare for the Testimony

During the court case, one thing that you can be certain of is that there are going to be numerous testimonies happening, so you should be prepared for these. In a custody case, everything that you have done as a parent will come into questioning. Not only will the judge interview you and your soon-to-be ex, but other witnesses can be called to discuss events that happened when the child was present. Even your child could be called to testify, depending on their age, so you should prepare for that as well.

Short Term Time Frame

Each day, judges hear many different cases in family court. This means that your case is not likely to last very long. Since there is a strong chance that more people will be coming into the courtroom after your case is heard, you might find that the whole process feels too quick or rushed. So, make sure that you are prepared to put yourself out there and have your best foot forward.

Be Prepared for a Judge’s Decision

The day might conclude with a final decision from the judge. In some cases, mediation or other courses of action might be taken in order to try and find the best solution for a family. The judge’s job is to put aside the wants and needs of the parents, and figure out what would be in the child’s best interest. His decision will include which parent is going to be the best custodial parent and what the visitation schedule should be.

 

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Divorce Success is Not Always About Being Right

When you get married, you never imagine that the person you think is your best friend might not really be your friend at all.  In fact, you might be struggling through your divorce wondering just how you are going to be able to hold on to the memories that were once good.  The thing is that you do not have to look at a divorce as a bad thing.  Instead you might be able to think about the things that you could do better with your former spouse and how you can remain a healthy part of one another’s lives.

One of the biggest mistakes that a couple will make is that they might feel as if they need to prove that they are each right in their choice to divorce.  This type of attitude is not positive and will keep the couple from going on to do better things once they were no longer together in a marriage.  The following are just a few ways that you might be able to find success in a partnership with your former spouse and get a healthy divorce.

 

Could Working Together Be the Answer

 Some formerly married couples find that they can put the knowledge that they have after spending years together into a working partnership.  This is because they both know what is going to make the other one tick as well as what is going to be the most positive option for the other ones.  After spending years together, you are also going to understand what strengths someone has.  Being able to work together can be one way of staying together in a partnership when you know that the marriage is no longer right.   So if the two of you had thought about a business partnership when you were married but avoided it because you did not want to put stress on the relationship, after the divorce might be the right time to try a new business venture out.

 

Remembering That Change Can Be Good

When you are married for a long time, you become set in your ways and you might even find that you are losing pieces of who you once were.  This can end up where you feel as though you cannot even recognize yourself.  Over time this can cause a number of issues in a marriage and might even leave you getting divorced. If you are divorced and wondering what you are going to do with your life since so much of your life was with your marriage, then you have to realize that sometimes change can be a good thing.

 

Learn to See the Good in the Bad

The power of positive thinking can help you to move all of the mountains in your life and make way for the good things that are to come.  If you have been depressed or upset about going through a divorce, then you should take the time to point out the positives that have come from this situation.  Do you have more time to spend with friends?  Are you able to enjoy your favorite pastime without feeling guilty?  Can you take that dream vacation that you always wanted to take alone without feeling bad?  Take time to truly explore the things in life that you always wanted to explore but never could for one reason or another.  You can even take the time to go back to school and find a new career path that you have always dreamed of.

 

Become Stronger

Most people never know the strength that they have within themselves until they are forced to recognize it.  If you have ever worried about how strong you were or thought that you might not be strong enough to do something, relax because you now will be able to learn just how strong you are and you might even end up amazing yourself.

Divorce no longer has to be about who was right or who was wrong.  Why not start off your new life by taking a look at all of the positive things that you can learn about yourself and what you can do for you.

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How to Comfort Your Children During a Divorce

Divorce is never an easy time.  Even when two parents are happy to go their separate ways  and get a healthy divorce, it is not easy for the children involved to be split between two homes.  One thing is for certain, during a divorce your children are going to need to be comforted.

 

Age Doesn’t Matter

Some parents think that as long as they separate early on that it is not going to affect their children.  This is not true.  Even babies are able to recognize when a familiar face is not around as often.  Many times parents think that they do not need to discuss this type of stuff with their children and that the children are not going to be affected by it because they are not going to remember any of it.

 

Talking Might Not Need to Be the First Step

 So many parents think that the first thing that they should do during a divorce is sit with their children and talk to them about it. While this talk does need to happen, it might not always be the most appropriate first step.  What parents should be doing first is taking the time to look for signs of stress in their children.  They should be taking the time to soothe their children and letting them know that they are loved and how important that they are.  It is important that both parents are on the same page about how they are going to discuss these things and interact with the children.

 

Look to Biology

There are certain to be some biological signs that you can lean on to make sure that you are doing the right thing with your divorce.  Look to see how your children are behaving and feeling.  If your children start chronically complaining about pain like a stomach ache, then you might want to consider what affect your divorce is having on them.  Sometimes when children are scared or feel emotionally challenged, they might choose to react to physical pain more than the actual emotional issue.  Other things you can watch for are whether your children become lethargic, have headaches, have a decrease and/or increase in appetite, or exhibit signs of an eating disorder.

 

Things to Remember as You Comfort Your Children

 There are many things that you can do during the process of comforting your children that can help you to have a successful divorce that will show the least amount of trauma to your children.  The following are some basic tips that can help you as you attempt to reconstruct your life while keeping your children’s needs met.

 

Never Use the Words “It Will Be Okay”

 Going through a divorce is hard.  You need to make sure that you acknowledge this with your children.  If you tell them that everything is going to be okay and they feel conflicted, then your children might not be able to express anxieties and fears in the right way.

 

Talk Openly About Their Fears

One of the things that you will want to do is take the time to ask your children what they are afraid of.  The next thing that you will want to do is engage them and discuss their fears in full.

 

Allow Children to Have Some Control in Their Lives

 Finally, work together with your co-parent to find healthy ways to allow your children to experience control in their lives.  One of the things that you might want to do is consider what aspects of their lives that you feel like they should have control over.  Allow your children to pick out decorations for their new room or give them each a night to plan a family day with you.  Doing these small things help children feel in control when they otherwise might not feel in control at all.

While it can be hard to handle a divorce for anyone, children are often left behind feeling emotionally raw and afraid.  Being able to look at the signs and understanding how to comfort your children is key to successfully managing a divorce and having healthy children.

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The Benefits of Legal Separation

There are many advantages and benefits to choosing a legal separation rather than a divorce when you are trying to make the right decision for your family. A legal separation is a contract between two spouses that is honored by the court. This is the paperwork that needs to be done if a couple chooses to stay married while living separately. There are many reasons that a couple might choose a separation over a divorce. These include: co-parenting benefits, access to medical insurance, financial benefits, religious reasons, or just so that they can meet the state’s mandatory separation period (if this applies).

 

Co-Parenting Benefits

One of the greatest things about a legal separation is that it can help outline issues between spouses for their children. The papers will outline where the child should live, who has the responsibility to make the final decisions, who is required to be financially responsible for the child, and the visitation schedule for the other parent. With legal separation papers you are not going to have to fight and argue about these issues as they are all outlined. If someone does not follow through with this, they can be held in contempt (obviously this is something that is going to look bad if they want to eventually get a divorce). There are many experts that give advice and tips on how to get children through a divorce or separation effectively with the least amount of damage.

 

Medical Benefits

Another huge benefit for spouses comes in the form of medical coverage. During a legal separation spouses still have access to the same medical benefits that they had while married. This is something that can be done if one spouse is ill and unable to get their own medical coverage.

 

Financial Benefits

You can also have a lot of financial benefits with a legal separation. The biggest one being that the spouse who makes more money could potentially have to pay spousal support. Also the spouse who has the majority of custody of the child is going to receive child support during the separation. If legal separation papers are not filed, this is not the case and the individual that is not caring for the child is not going to be held responsible.

 

Religious Benefits

In many religions it is taboo to be divorced. In some cases it is so taboo that the people who practice that religion believe that they have no way to access the highest point of their afterlife. So many times a religious couple might opt for a legal separation. This could potentially mean that they could stay married for the rest of their lives to achieve the ultimate gift after they have died. Plus about 14% of the couples who file separation papers reunite which could mean that they are able to work things out and continue to be married happily.

 

Meeting the State’s Mandatory Periods

Depending on which state that you live in and whether or not the divorce is mutual, your state might require up to 2 full years of separation before your divorce will be granted. This is something that is important to consider and research so that you know what your state expects. By filling the paperwork there is no way that your ex can try to say that you have not been separated the minimum period of time.

 

Continued Work on the Marriage

If you still love your spouse and want to try and make things work with them, then separation should be your first choice. During your separation you can determine if you are happier alone or together. You can also go to counseling, either as an individual to work on your own problems and/or as a couple. This gives you a chance to air all issues that you have and to learn about all of the issues that your spouse has. It is a great way to make sure that you are both happy with the end result. If continued effort doesn’t work and a divorce is the only option, click here for when it’s time for finally file for divorce

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